The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
