So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
