I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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