I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
