Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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