were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
