Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We left an ass print on the piano.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
