Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
