He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
