hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
