um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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