Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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