Define "chronic" masturbator.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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