It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
