Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
