How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
