weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
