So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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