Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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