i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
