im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
