i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
