I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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