I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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