I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
