dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
