i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
