My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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