so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i think i have two assholes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
