I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
