When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
