every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
