Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
