My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
