I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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