my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
