my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
