dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she peed on how many people?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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