it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
