K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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