You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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