I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
