I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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