hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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