seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
