JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
