I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
