i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
