Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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