she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
