please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
