Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just had sex bonerless
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
