how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
